I have known families in which the parents have come from pretty rough backgrounds. But they have gone all in with applying the Church’s instruction on marriage and family: The Missing Dimension in Sex, Child Rearing With Vision, articles, sermons and counsel that helped them build their family right. In a single generation, they have turned everything around by embracing God’s knowledge, law and government. That is beautiful to see—a preview of the World Tomorrow!
God’s master plan is about building a family. God is reproducing Himself. He made us after His likeness—we look like Him—and He is completing our spiritual creation so that we bear His character image (Genesis 1:26). He grows the potential members of His eternal Family in the most ingenious way imaginable: by giving us the spectacular opportunity to build our own families—even to reproduce ourselves! God is expanding the human family through the physical process of our having children.
“[P]erfect, holy and righteous character is the supreme feat of accomplishment possible for Almighty God the Creator,” Herbert W. Armstrong wrote in Mystery of the Ages—“it is also the means to His ultimate supreme purpose! His final objective!” (emphasis added). That objective is a family. God is making more God beings—members of the God Family!
God intricately engineered the amazing process of human reproduction. We reproduce ourselves. But God did not just equip us to make babies. He also gave us the enormous responsibility of caring for them as they grow, to work with them and educate them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
In a very real sense, we parents are directly involved in helping God with the spiritual creation He enacts in our children—that “supreme feat of accomplishment.”
A Towering Responsibility
Mr. Armstrong asked in the Good News of September 1979: “Your Children—Future Gods?” That’s quite a question! He answered: “[A]lthough God formed man of the dust of the ground—physical matter—God has given man a far greater potentiality than angels. In man, God is reproducing Himself! Man has the potentiality of becoming God!”
That is true of our children. God wants to reproduce Himself in them. The world is cut off from God, but children of Church members are consecrated, set apart (1 Corinthians 7:14). Their chances of conversion, Mr. Armstrong wrote, are “multiplied” compared to children raised without converted parents. “Although Satan is going to influence your children, almost from birth, toward his selfish and rebellious attitude, you may counteract this by your teaching your children the truth about God!” he wrote. You have the opportunity, and responsibility, to lead them toward the future God wants for them.
Your children—future Gods? A hundred or a million years into the future, you could be working alongside other God beings that you created! You could have played a direct role not just in physically bringing them into being but in helping God shape them into God beings. God is giving you a vital part in His supreme feat of accomplishment!
“Righteous character is the goal,” Child Rearing With Vision states. “We want to rear our children so they will embrace God’s way of life as they mature. To build holy, righteous character in a child takes diligent effort on the part of both parents.”
What an assignment. What an honor. What a responsibility!
“Get this fact clearly in your mind,” that book says plainly: “When you properly train your child, you are helping God reproduce Himself.”
A World Under Assault
Since God’s whole plan is about building a family, Satan’s most vicious and relentless attacks are directed against the family. He is decimating families in so many ways, with extra aggression in this Laodicean era: destroying sex roles, waging a conspiracy against fatherhood, feminizing society, driving a rise in immorality, weaponizing technology against our households. Families in God’s Church have so much working against us.
But God gives us the tools we need to be smashing successes—to buck those trends, conquer satanic attacks, and build beautiful, World Tomorrow families.
It is remarkable that God built His remnant in this Laodicean era through a man who came from a difficult family background. Gerald Flurry looked to God, he looked to Herbert W. Armstrong as a father figure, he applied God’s law, and he built a wonderful family. Surely God intended that as a positive example in the era when family is under the most intense attack.
Jesus Christ forcefully showed the importance of children. Teaching His disciples that greatness means becoming a servant, He explained that when you receive a child, you receive Christ and the Father (Mark 9:36-37). We need to truly receive our children in our own families!
The disciples forgot this lesson almost immediately and tried to turn away families who were bringing their children to Christ. Jesus rebuked them and said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14). “Jesus demonstrated to the disciples that they should do everything possible to help children achieve their potential,” Child Rearing With Vision says. Their potential is to be God beings, and for those in the Church, on the Bride level! That is on Christ’s mind, and it must be on ours.
God has taught His Church so much about family. God sent His end-time Elijah to build family and instruct us about the God Family. He turned the hearts of fathers to children and children to fathers (Malachi 4:5-6). Building families is central to the Elijah work. God is calling us to teach the world about family. That means God wants our marriages, our families and our children to be exemplary. He wants to use us to set the families of the world right.
When a family decides to live by every Word of God—to structure their family life as God’s Elijah taught—to build their marriage according to the vision in Why Marriage—Soon Obsolete? and The Missing Dimension in Sex—to rear their children by Child Rearing With Vision—that family will have beautiful results!
Who are we? We have no great qualities. We know how inadequate we are. But what we can do is go all in with God’s instruction. We can do exactly what He commands in building our marriage and family. We can do it by the book, like our pastor general did.
Here are eight points on how to help God shape future Gods.
1. Practice and love God’s family government
It is easy to pick up the world’s influence in our marriages and families. Satan always tries to get us to let down and compromise, to turn things upside down. We must resist.
God says if a man does not know how to rule his own house, he should not be in a leadership role in the Church (1 Timothy 3:4-5). Does God have any lesser expectations of those He is going to make king-priests, married to His Son? If a man does not know how to rule his own house, how could he teach the world?
Our families need to be models of God’s family government—His way of decency, order, harmony, unity, cooperation and love. When we rule well, that is beautiful, noble and commendable. We have to love God’s government—in the Church and in our marriage and family.
Family government is beautiful because it enables each person to put 100 percent of their effort into fulfilling his or her God-given role, which perfectly complements every other role in that family. All the pieces fit together beautifully, like the Father and the Son.
Men, this means ruling well—not harshly or negligently but with the intentional, loving authority God designed. Child Rearing With Vision addresses fathers directly: “If you want to take the straight and narrow path that leads to a strong, stable, enjoyable, godly way of life for yourself, your wife, your children and your Church, ask yourself: Is God’s government clearly evident in my marriage? Are my children in subjection to their father’s rule?”
Wives, this means loving being ruled by your husband, serving him as you would Christ, embracing your role as helpmeet and builder of the home.
“Let us strive to administer God’s loving family government in our own homes so that we—husband, wife and children—will acquire God’s own image and character” (ibid). That is our noble goal!
2. Master Child Rearing With Vision
Satan is constantly pushing modern thinking—new, alternative ideas—into our families. Families need to go back to the basics. This book works. It is founded on God’s Word and on all things restored by God’s Elijah (Matthew 17:11). It shows us how to do this job God’s way, from the first days of infancy through the teenage years. It is full of practical, actionable lists—lists of habits to build, qualities to cultivate, areas of obedience to establish. It is a gold mine!
Do not take it for granted—use it. You cannot just read it—you must process it and put it into action. Parents, I would recommend always having your nose in it, even just reading and implementing a few pages each week.
“Fathers,” it says, “you can choose the broad, ‘easy’ way of life, adopting the ways of society and deferring to your own preferences, pleasures, and laziness, and deal later with the disappointment, suffering and tragedy this way produces. Or you can follow God’s biblical instruction for strengthening your family”—and build something beautiful.
3. Recognize and embrace how much commitment parenting takes
Proverbs 29:15 is blunt: “[A] child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” The world encourages parents to outsource child rearing to schools, screens and specialists. God’s instruction is the opposite.
Parenting takes real work—prayer, study, time, energy and sustained attention. It is especially difficult in this time when Satan has been cast down. He is wreaking havoc in the world and working to make our children undisciplined, selfish, disrespectful and disobedient. That makes God’s instruction all the more invaluable.
Parents are the primary educators of their children. “You should view all schoolteachers as your assistants, not as your child’s primary educators,” Child Rearing With Vision says. That begins right away, from birth. Those years before school up to age 5 or 6 are crucial, and we parents are the sole educators during that season.
The book’s chapter “Rearing Young Children—Newborn to Age Five” lists many habits that must be formed during those years: “correct habits of etiquette, cooperation, cleanliness, truthfulness, good posture, obedience, orderliness, proper eating, appropriate indoor and outdoor behavior, respect for adults and people in general, respect for others’ property, sharing with others, table manners, to be still and sit quietly, and other positive behaviors.” That is a wonderful list—the type of list parents should have on a chart and be checking off. That one paragraph will give you a tremendous amount of purposeful work to do.
A major section of that chapter covers 12 areas of obedience children need to be taught during the early years—outstanding material. If we are teaching these things and holding our children to this standard, they will meet it.
4. Hold your children to high standards
Children and teenagers do not thrive when standards are relaxed. They thrive when they are properly challenged. The tendency in every home is toward leniency—to let the standard slide a little, to overlook the small things, to avoid the discomfort of consistent correction. It is crucial to hold our children to high academic and behavioral standards, even in the early years—and that is on the parents.
The “Rearing Children—Ages Six to Twelve” chapter is full of counsel that, if faithfully applied from the beginning, would prevent many of the problems that emerge in the teenage years. Much of the difficulty we see in older children and young adults is directly traceable to habits that were never established, or bad habits that were established during the early years.
Parents must uphold high behavioral standards, standards of respect, honesty and diligence, standards for how children present themselves and how they speak to adults.
When parents hold the standard and children meet it, they develop a sense of capability and self-discipline that carries them through life. When parents lower the standard to wherever the child happens to be, the child learns that standards do not really matter—and that lesson has long-term consequences.
Once children begin school—whether public school, private school, homeschool or Imperial Academy—parents must remain involved. The students who truly thrive at IA tend to be those whose parents are genuinely engaged in their education.
Homeschooling can be a good option, especially for the elementary years, but it is important to be realistic about how much work it takes. We have seen families that are simply not prepared—not organized and structured enough, or not properly equipped—and that situation creates real problems down the road.
Having your homeschooled student, even elementary-age, take a standardized test can be very useful, providing you an honest measure of how your student is progressing. Is your homeschooling of high enough quality? It is far easier to turn problems around if you catch them early.
5. Recognize and tackle problems with children early
Parents must watch for children lagging in social skills, language development and physical development, and be proactive when such challenges appear. Conditions such as dyslexia, speech and language delays, autism, crossed eyes and scoliosis are far more responsive to intervention in the early years than later. Problems caught and addressed at age 2 or 3 often look dramatically different by age 7 than they do when left unaddressed until a child is struggling in school.
Dyslexia, which disrupts how the brain processes written language, affects about 7 percent of people worldwide. If a child’s difficulties are not addressed, the result is later literacy problems. Ideally parents should identify and address this before the child starts school.
Speech and language problems affect 5 to 8 percent of preschool children—conditions like stuttering and lisping. Left untreated, they can lead to reading difficulties, academic issues and behavior problems. Speech therapy helps, and starting as early as possible can make a significant difference.
One family I know realized that their 7-year-old son had a speech impediment and dyslexia. The parents took action. They got speech therapy, and the mother sat in on those sessions and reinforced the work at home. Within a few months, the speech issues were practically gone. To address the dyslexia, they researched, found a specialized curriculum, and are making real progress. That is what it looks like to “do everything possible to help a child achieve his potential.” That means keeping an eye on his future and the trajectory we have him on.
Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that typically appears within the first one to three years of life. With behavioral therapy and teaching social skills like maintaining eye contact, some children make significant progress—especially with intervention before age 3. Brains are most neuroplastic in those first years, and with dedicated effort, some children even outgrow their diagnosis.
When you see such issues in your child, do not be embarrassed or ashamed, or feel guilty, and do not sweep it under the rug. Some parents refuse to acknowledge a problem out of fear that it will somehow stigmatize their child. In many such cases, because the problem is not dealt with, it only gets worse. To grow and overcome, we must be honest. Don’t choose the short-term comfort of denying a problem. We need the truth.
Some parents do recognize their child has a limitation—but then use it to excuse every instance of failing to meet standards, especially when things get hard. “Other factors and personal weaknesses must not become excuses for our failures in properly rearing our children. As Herbert W. Armstrong said, there is cause and effect. There is a reason why children become rebellious” (ibid). We must recognize when we are dealing with rebellion and confront it.
We have to take responsibility and teach our children to take responsibility. God is radically pro-responsibility. His way of life is about becoming responsible and being accountable for our choices. Satan’s way is to dodge responsibility, excuse our failings, blame others, and expect special treatment. We all have certain limitations. We could all make excuses for ourselves. God wants us all to do our best with what we have been given. That is why families that don’t allow their own difficult upbringing to hinder their child rearing is so beautiful!
Other childhood development issues are physical. Crossed eyes affect about 4 percent of the U.S. population. Treated early, the child has a much better chance of improving visual function and eye alignment while avoiding vision loss. Scoliosis, curvature of the spine, affects 1 in 50 children and teenagers. Treatments like physical therapy or bracing can stop its progression and have the best chance of success when begun early.
Different families will want to handle these things differently, and we need faith and trust in God. We must be praying about it, seeking God’s help. But God also expects parents to be proactive. He won’t necessarily bless us for praying and assuming the problem will work out. Parents must take responsibility and look into these things. Many of these therapies involve no drugs or surgery—much of it is more like tutoring or physical therapy. Cost may be an issue, but in some cases public programs or funds are available.
6. Be physically active
More than 1 in 3 children in the United States is overweight; 1 in 5 has childhood obesity. Children with obesity are significantly likelier to develop serious health problems like heart disease or type 2 diabetes, which will diminish their lives and their capacity for service.
Children need to be active—they need exercise. But the trend in society is parents setting a poor example and that time going toward screens. Sedentary, deconditioned parents tend to raise sedentary, deconditioned children. Parents, think about your child’s future and ask yourself whether you are setting him up for success or for serious problems.
This is something a family needs to tackle together. In many cases, parents need to make improvements in their own health. Be honest with yourself. What sort of example are you setting? Are you minimizing screen time, being active as a family, getting good exercise, eating well? Realize just how much your children need that positive example, and use that to motivate yourself.
Child Rearing With Vision highlights the importance of challenging activities that build self-discipline, especially sports and music. “Athletics and team sports, when done right, build character,” it says, citing many specific positive lessons that apply to life in general. Invaluable lessons come from being part of virtually any challenging activity.
Parents, watch for activities that will stretch your children. Even if you lack skills yourself, you can accomplish a lot by finding the right teachers and seeking help. Do not use the Sabbath as an excuse, or the cost. If you prioritize it and pray about it and work at it, God will open doors. Be willing to put some resources toward it. The family may have to sacrifice other things to create those opportunities. That is part of the commitment to parenting—doing everything possible to help our children achieve their potential.
7. Realize how easy it is to trust your children too much
“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). The world rejects this. Modern child psychology insists that children are wonderful and wise, essentially trustworthy by nature. God’s revelation is the opposite—and every parent who has dealt honestly with a child’s deceptions has seen the truth of it firsthand.
Teenagers can and should earn trust—but it is easy to trust them more than we should. Many parents are simply too trusting of their children and teens. They will get into things they should not. Satan is coming after them—he is not going to leave them alone. Remember, those kids are unconverted, and if we are not vigilant, the devil will take advantage.
Three common problem areas young people get into are lying, wrong use of technology and inappropriate relationships (sidebar). Parents, especially in these areas, we must be paying attention and checking up. Do not assume you see the whole picture. Be vigilant, and be praying constantly that when they get into the wrong thing, God will quickly show you what you need to see.
8. Challenge your child to prove what he believes
The Apostle Peter commanded us to “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15). That command applies to our young people. Here is where doing activities in the world can pose a helpful challenge. Our children often have to answer questions about their beliefs and stand up for the Sabbath, for example. But greater confrontations are coming. We are going to be tested. Our children will have to fight to do things God’s way. We parents need to be working with them, teaching them to stand for the truth.
Do not assume that your children already know what they believe or why. Ask them questions. See how deep their understanding really is. You may be surprised to discover how thin the foundation is beneath a surface of confident familiarity. Even parents of Imperial Academy students shouldn’t simply assume the work is done. The parent’s role is irreplaceable.
Help your children understand and articulate their beliefs. Give them the experience of standing up for God’s way in real situations. Those experiences are not inconveniences. They force a young person to speak up, develop confidence, and explain himself. Such experiences, properly guided, build a young person’s ability to stand firm.
The House God Wants to Build
“Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain” (Psalm 127:1). If we try to build our household and our family without God, that is a vain effort. The beautiful reality is, God wants to build our house. He wants to work with us to build our families strong, stable, healthy and joyful.
“Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (verse 3). What a reward! What an inheritance from God—to have children we can love and teach and build up, we can watch grow and mature and succeed.
God views children as a marvelous blessing (verses 4-5). That is His intent, and He really wants our families to be exemplary—something the whole world can look to.
“Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways” (Psalm 128:1). What are the blessings? “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table” (verse 3). A happy family, children and the wonderful fruit in their lives. “Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel” (verse 6). Grandchildren! When you are applying God’s laws and God’s family government, those blessings grow over the generations. Think of all the generations we will raise through eternity. The blessings will keep growing.
Imagine a million years into the future, working alongside God beings you helped create. Not just in the physical sense of bringing them into the world but in the spiritual sense of shaping their character. You will have participated, alongside the very Creator of the universe, in the supreme feat of accomplishment: the expansion of the eternal God Family!
“Get this fact clearly in your mind: When you properly train your child,” Child Rearing With Vision says, “you are helping God reproduce Himself.”
What an opportunity! Let us do everything possible to help our children achieve their potential. Let us go all in.
Sidebar: Three Areas to Watch Closely
Children can easily get themselves into trouble. Here are three areas that parents need to be vigilant about, praying for God’s help and working to help their children steer around common pitfalls.
Lying “Parents must be sure to teach their children to always tell the truth. A lying child is under the heavy influence of Satan,” Child Rearing With Vision states. It goes on: “Children must learn not to lie to parents or school authorities, nor to cheat on tests or in athletic events. From a young age, your children must be taught to give an accurate description of events that take place in their lives. Children learn early to present themselves and their actions only in a good light. Parents must be on the lookout to ensure their child always presents his actions in the most truthful manner.”
Many parents believe whatever their child says—and that is asking for trouble. Sometimes deceit is not obvious or malicious: Children will shade a story, put themselves in the best light, tell you 70 percent of the truth, or 20 percent. When a problem arises, you cannot simply take your child’s word for it. Assume you are getting only part of the story. Ask a lot of questions. Check and verify the facts with others.
When you learn of something a child has done wrong before he knows you know, use the opportunity to test his honesty. Ask about it without revealing that you already know the answer. Is he truthful about it?
Pray that God will show you when your child is not being honest. We do not want our children getting away with these things, or it will lead to serious trouble down the road.
Technology It is extremely common for young people to be deceitful in this area. They find ways around the rules, get into things they know are wrong, hide it, and cover their tracks.
Do not assume your teenagers are trustworthy with technology—assume they will get into trouble. The dangers are well documented, and the warnings have been sounded repeatedly, yet the problems continue because too many parents trust their children too much. The Church has given clear guidelines for parents to enforce at home, such as no smartphones. Parents say, We’ve locked it down. But in many cases, they have not locked it down, and their kids find workarounds. “Locked down” devices find Internet access. Some say, We just use it for calls and chat. Well, we have had to suspend teens for texting inappropriate messages and pictures. Some find ways to use other technology even without a smartphone. They use apps with chat features that cannot be tracked. We have had teens in God’s Church sharing explicit music with each other and teens struggling with pornography addiction.
One major problem is video game addiction. The Church strongly discourages gaming. Especially for teens with no motivation, poor social skills or academic struggles, I genuinely believe that a young person who plays zero hours of video games a week will be far better for it.
Relationships It is vital for parents to talk regularly with their teens about relationships. Young people should not be pairing off or even harboring romantic attraction in their thinking. They need help in building positive, constructive relationships that build their character rather than eroding it.
This is not easy. Our teens are unconverted. They are naive. They can be very selfish and very childish. Their emotions start getting worked up and they stop thinking straight. Often they are not being honest with themselves—they think they can handle a situation, or they feel like they are somehow the exception. Parents must watch closely for warning signs. We must make our expectations known and clear. We must insist on honesty and confront problems when we see them.
The kids who have the most problems in these areas tend to come from homes where parents are not applying Church guidelines—not going all in, only doing some of what is suggested. Some parents have slack rules, or they are prioritizing their teen’s social desires over the negative impacts of technology or the wrong friends. Or—they simply trust their teens too much. This has taken many young people out of God’s Church. Work together with God to give your own children the best possible chance of success!