I got excited as I overheard my parents discussing that my Uncle Bud (his name was actually Edgar), Aunt Anna and family were coming to visit us from Detroit, Michigan. My family had never been to Detroit—so it was a big deal for us. It was as if we had people visiting us from a foreign country.

Uncle Bud was my father’s younger brother. He had a mesmerizing, sonorous voice. He was a great storyteller. I loved to just sit and listen to him talk.

During the Detroit Leaps’ visit, my two older brothers and our two Detroit cousins (also boys) were caught smoking cigarettes. Because my father was at work, Uncle Bud handled the situation. I could not wait to see how my brothers would be punished for smoking. I watched and listened intently to what my uncle had to say.

Uncle Bud gathered the four teenage boys into a huddle on our back porch. After several investigative-type questions such as: Where did you get the cigarettes? and, Have you smoked before? He told them with authority, “You must not smoke—it is bad for your health!” His booming voice made me shake. Yet, my cousin Jerry spoke up: “But, Dad, you smoke.” Wow, I thought to myself. That was a gutsy move on my cousin’s part. I studied my uncle for his reaction. He paused briefly, then roared back, “Do as I say, don’t do as I do!” As I recall, that was the end of the discussion.

I am sure Uncle Bud told my father about the incident. If there was any punishment dealt to my brothers and cousins, I certainly don’t remember it. However, I did think a lot about what Uncle Bud told my brothers and cousins for a long time after the incident. The whole thing left me puzzled. I know for a fact that my brothers ignored what Uncle Bud told them. They kept smoking. In time, I ignored my Uncle Bud as well. Why? There is a vital lesson for all parents and adults from what I experienced.

A Matter of Hypocrisy

While children are not always diligent about obeying parents, or other adult authorities, they are great at uncovering adult hypocrisy—especially parental hypocrisy. Hypocrisy, according to Merriam-Webster’s, is defined as “feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not.” Was my uncle a hypocrite? Yes. He wanted the five of us boys to believe that smoking was bad for our health, therefore, we should not do it. Yet, he really did not believe that for himself—he smoked. Although disrespectful, my cousin seeing his father’s hypocrisy called him on it. The rest of us saw it as well. So it was easy for us to justify our disobedience to his command.

Children—pre-teens and teenagers—have a very difficult time adopting standards to which their parents, or other adult authorities are unwilling to adhere. This is a fundamental Bible principle parents must embrace to be successful at child rearing.

“And if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth—you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself? While you preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that one must not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?” wrote Paul to the Jews in the church at Rome (Romans 2:19-22, English Standard Version; emphasis added). As Paul clearly states, any person teaching children (parents are every child’s first teachers) must actively be living what he teaches. My uncle would have had greater impact on us boys had he not been a smoker, or even if he had been a repentant smoker.

Set the Right Example

All parents must set the right example for their children—continually! All adults have to learn that example, whether good or bad, is an effective teacher. “Monkey see, monkey do” is a well-known expression. That expression is a true statement of how children learn best. When I look at my children, I see carbon copies of my wife and myself. Thinking deeply on it, it is really scary to consider all the ramifications that go along with being a parent, or grandparent. What a child sees, he imitates. This fact adds a great weight of responsibility to child rearing.

Our children mimic our expressions, habits, mannerisms, vocabulary, and our opinions and philosophy of life. They also imitate our spiritual habits, mannerisms and opinions—the good and bad ones. Do you see how serious parenting truly is? Of course there is no perfect parent—and there are no perfect children—which is why we must get God involved in our example and in our teaching.

To set the right example, all parents must stay on course spiritually, which includes being close to God. Staying on course requires daily prayer, Bible study, meditation and repentance. When your children see you stay on course, they will want to get on course with you.

Let’s face the truth squarely: Parents who are bigots will produce children who use racial slurs. When parents use foul language, so will their children. Parents who are addicted to alcohol, prescription or illegal drugs will produce children and teenagers who smoke “pot,” take drugs or abuse alcohol. Parents who commit adultery can expect to have promiscuous children.

Consider some spiritual examples. If we regularly break the Sabbath—so will our children. If we don’t tithe properly—it is doubtful that our children will. If we have a problem with God’s government—we can be guaranteed our children will. How can I say this so emphatically?

Children have to be taught how to observe the Sabbath. Children have to be taught to tithe properly. Children have to be taught how to honor and obey the spiritual offices Christ established in His Church. It is unlikely that any parent who does not strive to do these things can teach his or her child to do them. Even if they try, it is unlikely the child will listen because he does not see his parents doing it. Monkey see, monkey do!

No Phonies Here

God allowed the Prophet Isaiah to see a clear picture of our modern nations of Israel. What did he see? “[A]n hypocritical nation” (Isaiah 10:6). The United States of America could be considered the most hypocritical of all. For example, as Gerald Flurry has often said, we claim to be spiritually righteous, but pander pornography and perverted entertainment to the world.

Hypocrisy is the spirit of our time. “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron,” Paul wrote to Timothy (1 Timothy 4:1-2). Those in God’s Philadelphia remnant have been given the incredible opportunity to learn about the dangerous damage hypocrisy did—and still does—to God’s people.

Laodicean leaders destroyed the spiritual lives of 95 percent of God’s people. They pretended to be ministers of righteousness as they departed from the faith. Feigning to follow God, they were literally following the “doctrines of devils.” They were acting just like Satan who is the supreme hypocrite of the universe. While spreading his vast darkness—he palms himself off as an “angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14).

Do we see that hypocrisy can be the fatal disease of the religious? In Matthew 23, Jesus Christ gave one of His most bone-splitting messages ever against the scribes and Pharisees because of their soul-rotting hypocrisy. You should study the entire chapter.

Jesus addressed these religious leaders as hypocrites eight times. He called them what they were—religious phonies. “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’s seat: All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not,” Christ warned His disciples and the people (Matthew 23:2-3). It is a truly horrible thing to be a phony and hold a position of authority. God has given parents a high office of authority when it comes to rearing children. Examine your life for areas of hypocrisy and change them immediately.

God has given us clear understanding of how to live His way of life. We must endeavor to live by that way and teach our children to follow. We must say and do and then teach our children to follow our example. This takes the scary out of child rearing.

God has designed our children to mimic us—to follow our good example. Don’t be an Uncle Bud. Don’t let hypocrisy be your example.