God’s people are enduring spiritual tribulation. Are you a “swallow friend,” or a brother in adversity?

Though it’s old, weatherworn and hard to read, there is one thing clearly legible and recognizable on the original of the American Declaration of Independence—the oversized signature of John Hancock. That signature was intended as a sharp stick in the eye of the British government. America’s Founding Fathers, in signing their names to that document, were essentially committing an act of treason. And history shows that many of them paid for that act dearly: They had property destroyed, family members kidnapped or killed—many died. When America declared its independence from Great Britain, it was a tense time. The revolutionary leaders had to be especially brave under pressure.

The essays, letters and speeches from men like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson reveal some interesting history about how they held up under the strain. One striking detail is that even in the midst of those trying times, many of those men were close friends. They often disagreed on political points, but they held fast to each other for strength in adversity.

Two Responses to Adversity

Problems, trials and adversity tend to do one of two things to a relationship—a friendship or a marriage: They either rend two people apart or drive two people together.

The difference between these two responses to adversity is really the difference between Satan’s way and God’s way. Satan wants to split us apart. And he tries to use problems and trials to turn us against each other. God wants us to respond just the opposite way: He wants us to lift each other up when we fall. He wants us to face those trials together, to draw strength from each other, to help each other conquer problems.

Christ prophesied of a time at the end—just before the abomination of desolation—when “brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death” (Matthew 10:21). The Tribulation about to jolt this world is going to divide people as never before!

But our response should be God’s response. As King Solomon said, “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). As times get tougher, this is how the members of God’s Church need to conduct relationships.

In a recent sermon, our pastor general showed how the members of God’s Church are enduring a spiritual type of the Tribulation today. We are being tested; our character is being intensively refined. Many members of God’s Church are experiencing serious adversity right now.

We need each other all the more. Let’s look at how we can prove our friendships in these difficult times.

Unconditional

“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” Meditate on that. If you’re in a friendship for just what you can get out of it, then as soon as your self-interest isn’t being served, you’re going to turn your back on it. Or as soon as your feelings change, your friends will change. A “fair-weather friend” sticks around only as long as the sun is shining; a “swallow friend” is there in the summer and gone in the winter. But this proverb says a true friend loves at all times. And it’s especially in adversity that the test of a true friend comes!

The Jamieson, Fausset and Brown Commentary states about this verse, “A true friend loves at all times; but it is in adversity especially that he becomes as a brother born to you …. It is when put in the fire that the gold is proved. There ought to be no intervals of forgetfulness or alienation in the true friend” (emphasis added throughout).

Barnes’ Notes interprets the verse, “At all times, a friend loveth, but in adversity he is born (i.e., becomes) a brother.”

And the Keil and Delitzsch Commentary on the Old Testament states, “[B]y the saying that the friend is born in the time of need, as a brother, is meant that he then for the first time shows himself as a friend, he receives the right status or baptism of such an one, and is, as it were, born into personal brotherly relationship to the sorely tried friend.”

Even Cicero said, “In doubtful times the genuine friend is known.” And George Washington, one of those founding brothers who weathered the rigors of America’s youth, wrote this: “True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity, before it is entitled to the appellation.”

It has been said that soldiers do not fight for country, or for principles, or for a particular way of life. Rather, they fight for each other. True soldiers die for each other. This is a lesson we need to remember as we progress each day more deeply into this last hour. John 15:13 states, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” God’s Family ought to understand this truth especially.

More Than Trustworthy

“Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint” (Proverbs 25:19). Relying on someone who is not reliable can be a painful and emotionally damaging experience. The effects of inconstancy should not be underestimated.

The proverb is similar to what Scott Adams said about relying on people: “Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won’t be needing them again.”

When things get difficult, what kind of friend are you? What kind of husband, or wife? That’s the real test. That is when Satan is going to try hardest to separate you. He knows that humans are particularly weak under pressure.

There is something in us that tends to pull away from someone when he or she becomes needy. Within a marriage, if one mate is struggling emotionally and perhaps retreats from or lashes out at the other, it is natural to respond, Well if that’s the way you’re going to be, fine. Two can play at that game.

God is just the opposite! He sees needs and fulfills them. For example, it is when we sin that Christ becomes our Advocate (1 John 2:1). God’s love doesn’t pull away from, but rather seeks out, the one who is most needy! God expects the same of His ministry and His people. For example, two of the neediest groups within the body of believers are generally the fatherless and the widows—and God emphasizes repeatedly the need to specially care for them, going so far as to call this “pure religion” (James 1:27). Such willingness to sacrifice for the needy is a godly quality we must develop.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Companionship is wonderful during good times. But it’s essential during tough times! It’s when we fall that we really need that person beside us to help us up.

How dependable are you when someone beside you falls? That’s when the quality of your friendship is really tested.

People in the Philadelphia Church of God are in need right now, and members will need each other more as we face more persecution. Certainly pray for them. And let them know you’re praying! Call, or send a card. Check up—make sure they know they’re loved. If you can provide more help, do so! Visit them; perhaps bring some groceries or other necessities.

After a Herbert W. Armstrong College forum about friendship, one of the students submitted a comment. “Friendship is time,” he wrote. “Your life is time. Giving yourself to someone, laying down your life for them, giving to them, sacrificing for them—all these somewhat abstract concepts can be brought into clear focus when you realize that your life = your time. That’s all our lives really consist of: time.

“Giving time is what a true friend does. … When he didn’t get enough sleep last night, when he’s working on something, a true friend will stop spending his time on what he has laid out for himself to do, and spend his time on you. He’ll drop everything if he sees that you need to talk—and even when you don’t. Sometimes, he’ll drop everything if he sees you want to talk, or he’ll drop everything no matter what you seem like and spend his time on you just because he likes you.”

I remember hearing the comment, some years back, that children spell love “t-i-m-e.”

“Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (verses 11-12). Think about this in the context of a family. It takes two to make a strong marriage and provide the best parenting. That is the ideal for children. And if that relationship is empowered by God, and God is right at the center of it, binding you together and strengthening you, that “threefold cord” is a strong bond that will withstand the shocks of adversity!

Enduring

King David set a tremendous example. He certainly faced a lot of shocks of adversity. But he demonstrated an incredibly godly attitude during those times.

In Psalm 35:11-14, David wrote, “False witnesses did rise up; they laid to my charge things that I knew not. They rewarded me evil for good to the spoiling of my soul. But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth: I humbled my soul with fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom. I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother: I bowed down heavily, as one that mourneth for his mother.” He’s talking about exhibiting that kind of charity for his enemies!

There is a time when there may be reason to part company with someone. Scripture mandates that we don’t associate with someone who has been suspended or disfellowshipped (e.g. Romans 16:17; 1 Corinthians 5:11). But even then, we can be a true friend who loves at all times—and a brother in the time of adversity! Notice especially 2 Thessalonians 3:6, 14-15, which illustrate that we can admonish another as a brother by parting company. Like David, we can pray and fast for that person as we would for a family member! This is how we can stick with the person in adversity—even when he fails.

A Godly Quality

Realize what a godly quality it is we are talking about. God is the most faithful friend.

Thank God He sets a perfect example in this regard. No matter what the adversity, He will never leave us! “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). Not even the worst trials would make Christ turn His back on us! That’s when He draws close to us. He is a true friend, who loves at all times—He is our Elder Brother in adversity.

So let’s allow Christ to live in us and manifest this quality in us toward each other. As the shocks of adversity come, let’s use those opportunities to prove ourselves as faithful, committed friends. In doing so, we will strengthen our brotherhood in the body of Christ.