Facebook published a list of most-shared articles in 2011. The stories most often passed on to others dealt with parenting advice or other parenting-related issues. This means multiple thousands of people have high interest in nurturing their children. That is great news.

It is obvious that many parents expend a lot of money and effort transporting children to dance lessons, music lessons and sporting events. However, a close look at article content on Facebook’s list reveals that there is little about the nuts and bolts of the life-altering parenting skills necessary to help guarantee a child’s success for a lifetime.

All children possess amazing promise. No sum of gold can equal the value of what children can attain when put in the proper environment and provided with ample challenging opportunities. Yet, no child is capable of mapping out a fantastically successful future on his own. Every child needs the help of loving and involved adults—in particular, the parents.

But parenting is more than providing music, dance and sports lessons. Sadly, because of this lack of robust parenting, children, parents and society as a whole are suffering.

How concerned are you about your child’s future? What steps are you taking to help him achieve his fullest potential? There is one critically important step you must take to ensure your child attains his incredible human potential. Do you know what that step is?

The Latest on Parenting

Just reading a couple of article titles from the Facebook list easily shows that there is something radically wrong with today’s parenting: “Parents, Don’t Dress Your Girls Like Tramps” and “Permissive Parents: Curb Your Brats.”

Excerpts from several more articles are even more revealing. Lisa Bloom, in her article “How to Talk to Little Girls,” wrote, “15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down ….” Amy Chua tells us in “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior,” “… 70 percent of the Western mothers said either that ‘stressing academic success is not good for children’ or that ‘parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.’” Ron Clark, an award-winning teacher who started his own academy in Atlanta, Georgia, stated in “What Teachers Really Want to Tell Parents”: “For starters, we are educators, not nannies. We are educated professionals who work with kids every day and often see your child in a different light than you do. If we give you advice, don’t fight it. Take it, and digest it in the same way you would consider advice from a doctor or lawyer. I have become used to some parents who just don’t want to hear anything negative about their child …. And if you really want to help your children be successful, stop making excuses for them.”

Although these articles and others like them discuss the problems and challenges parents face, none digs deep and asks critical questions like: Are our parenting methods causing the problems parents face? Or: How do we fix modern parenting?

You can waste a lot of time and energy reading articles about parenting problems similar to your own. You may get some encouragement, but unless you find a solution that works, your own parenting problems won’t improve.

In order to help your child achieve his fullest potential, you must become a very effective parent. This is your primary responsibility while your children live with you! Time is wasting.

Time to Face Reality

Robert Fritz, in his book Creating, writes: “When I first began to teach people the creative process, I assumed that people would have some difficulty in forming the end result they wanted, but that they would have no difficulty in noting where they were since reality is always there to see …. [W]as I wrong … when it came to accurately describing current reality, people often did not do as well.”

A lot of parents assume they are doing a pretty good job of raising their children. If you feel this way, it may be time to take a second look. Be honest with yourself. Are you accurately describing current reality?

Only one article on Facebook’s list actually identified the cause for today’s poor parenting—by candidly stating that parents are too permissive! In his article “Permissive Parents: Curb Your Brats,” cnn contributor L.Z. Granderson colorfully listed the socially unacceptable infractions children of permissive parents commit regularly: 5-year-olds running rampant in public places like restaurants, grocery stores and airports—even on airplanes. He reported seeing “a small child slapping her mother in the face,” and hearing other children telling their parents to “‘shut up’ and ‘leave me alone’ at the top of their lungs.” Granderson expressed deep frustration at having to be in a public place with families where the parents have to tell their children “to ‘sit down’ a thousand times.”

We have all shared similar uncomfortable experiences. Granderson concludes that the poor fruits of permissive parenting are one of the reasons why many people do not like children.

Amy Chua does not use the word permissive, but heavily implies it in her article. Comparing Western parents with Eastern, she wrote, “[T]he vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be ‘the best’ students, that ‘academic achievement reflects successful parenting,’ and that if children did not excel at school then there was a ‘problem’ and parents ‘were not doing their job.’” By the way, Amy Chua took a lot of flak for her views on parenting, which many people viewed as child abuse. Although some of her views are extreme, much of what she says is just like the old-school parenting my parents used with me.

What is permissiveness in parenting?

Permissiveness Explained

Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives one definition of permissiveness as: “deficient in firmness or control: indulgent, lax.” That definition well describes permissive parenting. When parents do not use firmness in controlling their child in either the home or public—when they are indulgent, simply giving the child everything desired, and don’t require much in the way of obedience—that is permissive parenting. A permissive parent has great difficulty saying no—ever!

This method of parenting does not work. You won’t find a book titled Permissive Parenting, or How to Be a Permissive Parent. But the fact is, permissive ideas are spread throughout many books, promoted on television and seen in movies. Permissiveness has been encouraged throughout Western society for decades. It began with the young adults of the 1960s who wanted unrestrained personal freedoms for themselves and their children. Through the revolt against “the oppressive establishment,” massive social changes in morals, sexuality and traditional values engulfed and reshaped the way churches, schools, governments and families did things. Freedom was in—control, law, order and rules were out.

As society has freed itself from restraints, we have created a horrible monster that is devouring us with alcohol and illicit drugs, epidemic crime, killer sexually transmitted diseases, and children who hate us and are killing us.

Robert Shaw, in his book The Epidemic, shows that the fruit of faddish parenting—which is permissive parenting—is now plain. He writes, “Far too many children today are sullen, unfriendly, distant, preoccupied and even unpleasant. They whine, nag, throw tantrums and demand constant attention from their parents, who are spread too thin to spend enough time with them. Feeling guilty and anxious, the parents in turn soothe their kids with unhealthy snacks, faddish clothing, toys and media. Many kids, even very young ones, treat their parents with contempt, rolling their eyes and speaking rudely.” Naturally many parents are upset at the negative daily struggle with their children. Yet few are willing to admit the real problems lie with them.

As a result, Shaw tells us, “A host of new ‘clinical diagnoses’ have been invented to explain why children seem totally spoiled, untrained and unsocialized, and an incredibly large number of children have been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (adhd) and bombarded with psychoactive drugs.” Isn’t it time we wake up to the fact that permissive parenting cannot be fixed by stuffing our children full of pills?

Shaw courageously says that the tragic slaughter of students and teachers at Columbine High School (and so many other schools) should be attributed to the failure in modern parenting. Wouldn’t you agree, parents, that it is time to get control of our broken families? There is a way.

Regain Control

The Prophet Isaiah, through the inspiration of Almighty God, was able to see into our day and write down in his book a nearly word-for-word description of what we read in our newspaper and magazine headlines concerning our frightening problems with our youth: “And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour: the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient, and the base against the honourable” (Isaiah 3:5).

Isaiah prefaced this statement with a detailed description of the breakdown in leadership—in society and in the home. The mighty man,the judge, the prudent and ancient are all gone. When strong leadership is stripped from us, we get a mess like permissive parenting and a society full of crime, immorality and violence. Just a little honesty tells us that our Western world is headed for a titanic crash.

Yet notice that the prophet does more than simply warn us. He also diagnoses the problem, and thus indirectly gives us the solution: “As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths” (verse 12). Isaiah tells us our family life has been turned upside down. If we truly desire to fix our parenting problems, we have to turn the family right side up!

The Prophet Jeremiah encourages us: “Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls” (Jeremiah 6:16). All parents need to quit experimenting and get back to the old path of effective parenting.

The old path of parenting requires that you first reestablish adult authority in your home. In traditional marriages (the only true marriage), this means that the father must be restored to his respected position as chief. Permissive progressives detest such a thought, but this is the only way to set the family on a course for success. A loving male in authority in the home cures many ills.

Sadly, due to untimely death and a high divorce rate, not every child can have a two-parent family with a dad as the head. However, firm and loving authority must still be established in the home. Children need well-defined rules and regulations to help them govern their behavior. Parents today have trouble saying no to their children. Every human being must experience and accept being told no sometimes. Establishing clear and firm boundaries for children gives them a sense of security that helps them thrive. For example, children should be taught not to draw on walls, climb on furniture, or throw food. Children should be taught how to maintain their bedrooms and other personal spaces neatly and to respect the property of others.

Above all, apply the Golden Rule while teaching your child: Be sure your children learn to behave the way you wish other children would. The public will love you for doing this!

Love Your Children

Young children and teenagers require ample amounts of love in order to achieve their potential. When children do not receive deep love, affection and attention, they wither like plants in drought. Realize that children who are not loved struggle to love others.

Parents must be sure to show their love daily. Parents should tell their children they love them often. But true love is more than just saying it. Loving your child means that you give warm affection and undivided attention. Undivided attention is not sitting in your living room watching television with your children. Playing indoor or outdoor games together, assisting with homework, and talking together at a sit-down meal are examples of undivided attention.

Many parents think love is simply a matter of buying things for their children. This is far from the truth. A majority of children today are showered with an abundance of unnecessary things. Children wallowing in material things are still unhappy. When asked, many children say they would rather spend a day doing something with Dad and Mom than get some new thing.

Parents who love their children do not let them do whatever they want when they want. This is not love—it is the epitome of permissiveness. Parents must understand that love includes firm discipline when necessary. Discipline is more than spanking. As a child grows older, withdrawal of a privilege can be a very effective form of firm discipline. However, spanking should not be ruled out for young children. Proper spanking should never be child abuse. Recognize that there is a right time to discipline. Direct disobedience is one of those times. Yet, a truly loving parent will never discipline in anger. Never will a loving parent go on a yelling, storming, hair-pulling rampage. That is not discipline. In fact, that kind of behavior in parents teaches a child to be undisciplined. Any such wild, out-of-control emotion will cause your child to disrespect you.

Firm discipline is telling your child why you must discipline him, and then, after administering the punishment, making sure you tell him you love him and only want what is best for him.

Set the Right Example

A large part of loving your child is teaching him. Children learn best by example. Parental example is a critical factor for effective parenting. All children, but especially teenagers, detect parental hypocrisy immediately. Nothing will undermine your parenting more than a bad parental example. Is it really reasonable to expect your child to adopt a standard that you are unwilling to follow? Children turn a deaf ear to the saying, “Do as I say—not as I do!” If you use illicit drugs, or are addicted to alcohol, tobacco or prescription drugs, don’t expect your children to be any different. Many parents are permissive in parenting because deep down they know they are setting a poor example for their children.

Children naturally mimic their parents. Children will walk, talk and take on the mannerisms of their parents. Learning takes place through all five senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, tasting. All humans learn through repetition, perception and association. This places a huge responsibility on parents. Boys will generally grow up to be just like their fathers; girls just like their mothers. So what kind of man or what kind of woman do you want your son or daughter to be? The character you display to your child will largely determine what he or she becomes.

Parents should provide the basic essentials that children need to achieve their incredible potential. Children need balanced, wholesome food; age-appropriate, quality clothing; clean and uplifting living quarters; wholesome entertainment; protection from moral, physical and spiritual dangers; and a proper education. Develop a definite plan for providing these necessities for your child. Most important, develop a plan to be a more effective parent.

Proper parenting need not be a mystery for you. Time is a precious commodity when working with children—they grow up so fast. Be courageous enough to evaluate your parenting skills now. Permissiveness will never help your child. Make it your primary responsibility to help your child achieve his or her fullest potential. Don’t wait. Take charge of your child’s potential by being the most effective parent you can be.