Don’t judge a book by its cover.

This is an adage we are all familiar with, but we’re also all guilty of judging books by their covers. If the book doesn’t seem well put together, if it was pressed in a flimsy manner, or it has jarringly disruptive artwork on the cover, we may disregard the book entirely. The cover matters. No matter how good the writing, the content of such a book may remain hidden if it isn’t wrapped in an appealing cover.

Similarly, the content of our character may remain hidden to those around us when don’t look the part. If our purpose on a date is to get to know one another, a pleasant appearance really helps.

For books, the most important part of the cover is the image and the title. In humans, more than 95 percent of our attractiveness is shown on our faces. That comes from The Missing Dimension in Sex, where author Herbert W. Armstrong said he was “convinced it [specifically, sex appeal] is somewhere between 95 percent and 99 percent what one sees from the neck up! … Of course voice and other factors contribute. And a most appealing face might be repelled by a seriously unappealing figure.”

Pleasant faces can lead to pleasant dates. Well then, how do we fix our faces?

Witness Against You

First, we need to consider what might be wrong with our faces.

“For the look on their faces bears witness against them” (Isaiah 3:9, esv). Just walk through a city, and look at the faces around you. If you take an honest look, nobody is happy. Almost all look unhappy, because almost all are unhappy. What is that a testimony to? The prophet continues: “they declare their sin as Sodom, they hide it not.”

If we have an unappealing facial expression, it is a result of sin. Just as a bad title on the cover reflects upon the character of the author, so the look on a face says much about the person behind the face.

Not all the faces that we are drawn to reflect excellence of character, however. Mr. Armstrong brings out that the “wanton eyes” in verse 16 can refer to flirting or seductive eyes. He explained that some commentaries attribute this to the use of makeup, which was the way that Jezebel used makeup (2 Kings 9:30). But any use of the eyes meant to seduce is spoken against in this passage. That too “bears witness against them.”

Windows to the Soul

“There burned in his eyes an unquenchable madness, though his voice was steady.” This, Herman Melville wrote of Ahab—the insane, one-legged captain of the Pequod. Ahab was wholly obsessed with hunting down Moby Dick, yet on the surface, he was able to remain calm, controlling his tone of voice. What he could not control, however, were his eyes. Though a work fiction, this expounds on a truth: Our eyes are the betrayers of our true intentions. They are windows to the soul, as Shakespeare put it.

That’s why we often hide our eyes—defectors from our plot—when we seek to conceal motives. Melville and Shakespeare are far from the only writers that bring out this pernicious quality of our eyes. There are a lot of things our eyes can give away. They show what we are paying attention to. They tell whether we are focused, or scanning the room. If someone is side-eyeing someone, we wonder what they’re so secretive about. If their eyes are down, we wonder why they are sad or tired. There are too many micro-expressions to mention here, but we all generally know what surprise, suspicion, joy or sadness look like in others’ eyes.

Often, our eyes are a dead give-away when we are disinterested. If our eyes are darting across the room, it means we are not giving the current conversation the attention it deserves. It is hard to want to date people that don’t seem to want to date you.

I have been in many conversations where I was looking for someone else to speak to. I could feel my eyes would start to wander from the conversation. My disinterest was clear as day, but I would try to fight it. I have forced myself to look at the person I am talking to many times, but inevitably, my eyes would start to drift again. Even if my eyes weren’t darting across the room, they were hazy, showing my mind was elsewhere. The look on my face was bearing witness against me—it was showing what was going on inside.

What’s Inside?

Too often, we try to conceal what’s happening internally. This is not an article encouraging you to become even better at controlling your facial expressions, so you can be more attractive. As we saw earlier, deceptive uses of the eyes like flirting and seduction are actually ways our face testifies against us—since we are bearing false witness. Rather, God wants our face to be an honest representation of what is going on inside. If we work on the inside first, it will naturally show on our faces (Matthew 23:26).

Really, the formula is simple, but the application hard. Do you want to look happy? Then be happy! Do you want to look interested? Then be interested!

I am still working at becoming better at showing interest. But I realize now that showing interest comes from being interested. It’s all about attitude. The battle has shifted from trying to look interested to trying to be interested. I try to not to merely be interested in what the person has to say, but in the person themselves.

And when we’re interested, we’re also a lot more interesting. When we’re happy, hopeful and sympathetic, it will show on our faces, and we will attract many to share ourselves with. This principle applies beyond dating—it will draw you into the whole family of God.

Hope in You

Finally, we must “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15). Gerald Flurry writes: “This hope can’t be faked. It must be in each one of us” (The Epistles of Peter—A Living Hope).

When someone sees the genuine and sincere hope on your face, that is appealing to them. It’s like a book with an appealing cover—you pick it up because you assume the contents will be good too.

A bad author may suggest an appealing cover for his books so he can sell them, but nobody will fall in love with them. Once they start reading, and realize the dull, sloppy and illogical writing that fills the pages of the book, they will stop reading.

When you focus on bettering the substance of your life, there is an automatic pay-off in your appearance. Your face will light up with joy, you will display interest in those around you, and people will be able to trust that you sincerely love them. The windows to the soul will confirm your sincerity from day to day to those you love. They are like the intricate illustrations that illuminate the content of a book.

More than 95 percent of attractiveness lies in the face. This can both initiate and preserve deep friendships. But for it to do so, it must start from within.

Though we initially judge a book by its cover, we finally learn to love a book based on its contents.