Growing up, I learned a lot of valuable lessons. There were things I was told not to do and things I was told I should do. Looking back, one of the biggest things that determined whether I did or didn’t do those things was fear. I feared my parents, I feared the consequences of my actions, and I feared what other people thought about me.
At the time, I didn’t realize there was a difference between right and wrong fear. I just knew that fear had a powerful influence on the decisions I made.
Now that I’m older, I can see it differently. The fear of my parents kept me out of a lot of trouble because I knew there would be consequences. The fear of cancer kept me from smoking or doing drugs. The fear of going to jail kept me from doing things that could have changed my life. In those situations, fear protected me. It made me stop, think and consider the decisions I was making.
But fear didn’t always protect me. Sometimes it held me back.
Growing up, I feared things that would put me out in front of people or make me uncomfortable. That fear kept me from playing sports in school, and it almost kept me from joining the band. The difference was, when it came to band, my dad wasn’t going to let my fear make the decision for me. He wanted me to take band, and I knew I was going to do what he told me to do. So, I did it. I learned to play the trumpet, and I loved it.
Eventually, I got past some of that fear and played a sport, and I enjoyed it just as much. Looking back, both experiences make me wonder how many things we miss out on simply because we are afraid to try. Sometimes the things we fear turns out to be things we wish we had done sooner.
There were also times when the fear of what other people thought about me caused me to make bad decisions. Wanting to fit in, wanting to be accepted, or worrying about how other people saw me could sometimes become stronger than my fear of the consequences.
As I got older, fear began to show up in different ways. Now I had a wife and children depending on me, and I became afraid of making the wrong decisions as a husband and father. My decisions didn’t just affect me anymore. Sometimes the fear of messing up kept me from making a decision at all.
Past mistakes made that fear even stronger. When I had tried something before and failed, I was afraid of failing again. Instead of looking at what could go right, sometimes all I could see was what could go wrong. There were times when I knew I needed to move forward or step out on faith, but fear caused me to hesitate.
I eventually had to learn that there is a difference between using wisdom and being afraid to move. Wisdom makes us think, prepare, pray and consider the consequences. Fear can make us do all of that and still never take action.
I also had to realize that I couldn’t allow every mistake from my past to make decisions about my future. Past failures should teach me, but they shouldn’t control me. Sometimes stepping out on faith means learning from what happened before, using wisdom but being willing to move when I believe God is leading me.
That is one of the things I understand about fear now that I didn’t understand when I was younger. Sometimes fear warns us because there is real danger ahead. Other times, fear is simply keeping us from moving because we are uncomfortable, uncertain, embarrassed or afraid of failing. Learning the difference can change the direction of our lives.
We constantly see examples of both right fear and wrong fear. We see people fear things they probably shouldn’t while having little or no fear for things that could actually destroy their lives. Sometimes the thing we fear the most becomes the very thing that controls the decisions we make.
Unfortunately, the fear we often lack the most is the fear of God.
Deuteronomy 6:24 states, “And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day.”
Fearing God protects us, motivates us, teaches us and prepares us for the world we live in. Fearing God doesn’t mean walking around terrified of Him. It means having a deep respect and reverence for who He is, taking His Word seriously, and caring about whether the way we live is pleasing to Him. We fear God when we listen to His Word, obey Him even when it is difficult and pray for His direction. When we truly fear God, the other things we fear don’t seem as powerful anymore. We may still get nervous, worried or uncertain, but those things should not be making decisions for us.
Looking back at my own life, I can see how this works. Fear of what other people thought about me sometimes led me in the wrong direction because I let their opinions have too much power over me. The right fear would have caused me to stop and ask a different question. Instead of asking, What are they going to think about me? I should have asked, Is what I am doing right in the eyes of God?
That is the difference between fear that controls us and fear that guides us.
When we fear people or other things more than we fear God, we can compromise what we believe just to fit in. We can do things we know are wrong simply because we are afraid of being rejected or looked at differently. But when our fear of God becomes greater than our fear of people, what God thinks matters more than what people think.
What do you fear?
Do you fear being rejected? Do you fear change? Do you fear losing friends, relationships, money, or job opportunities? Do you fear what people say about you? Do you fear God?
Having the right fear should not imprison us. It should teach us. It should warn us when danger is real, help us think about the consequences of our actions and remind us that some boundaries are there to protect us. The wrong fear does the opposite. It can keep us stuck worrying about people, our past mistakes and things that just don’t matter.
Fear will always be there, but I’ve learned that not every fear deserves to control my life. Fear can protect us or hold us back, but the most important thing is to know the difference and learn to fear God. You’re no longer afraid of the other things when you truly fear God.
