Henry A. Bowman, in his book Marriage for Moderns, compared the partnership of marriage to a lock and key that join together to form a functioning unit: “Together they can accomplish something that neither acting alone can accomplish. Nor can it be accomplished by two locks and two keys. Each is distinct, yet neither is complete in and of itself. Their roles are neither identical nor interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other since both are necessary. They are equally important.”

Let us look at the overview of the lock and key roles in marriage.

The Husband

One vital factor in fulfilling this role is to stay close to God. He is our source of strength and love. There are always day-to-day pressures, social issues. Be aware of the many side tracks along the marriage journey.

Ensure that you do not neglect the basic tools of prayer, study, fasting and meditation. These keep you tuned to the one who created your role.

Submit to God in your responsibility. Love your wife (Ephesians 5:25-29). This is not a choice from God; it is a command. The women’s liberation movement began because of men not fulfilling their God-given role. Do not put your job, hobbies, sports, television or other self-interests before your wife. Ensure you are faithful to your responsibilities and your wife.

Violations of the Seventh Commandment will play havoc with your marriage, and these begin in the mind (Matthew 5:27-28).

Husbands must guard their minds.

They must also be good providers. The need to provide for wife and family is very clearly spelled out in the Scriptures (1 Timothy 5:8). Herbert W. Armstrong taught us the seven laws of success. These need to be applied in this provider role. If you do not have a job, then “make a job out of getting a job,” as the saying goes. If circumstances are difficult for your skills, seek anything in the meantime; who knows where that will lead, especially if you are seeking God’s will.

Another area to be concerned with is showing appreciation. Taking your wife for granted is unwise and unfair. Consider all she does for you and the family.

“Do not be harsh” (Colossians 3:19; Revised Standard Version). Remember your own faults.

Strive to seek your wife’s input and counsel on family matters. Weigh it heavily before making decisions. Accepting her advice does not mean she has usurped your office.

Set the family standard in personal appearance, good grooming and hygiene, etc.

Support your wife by ensuring she has time for personal Bible study and prayer. Some ways to do this are by assisting her with some of her duties or helping with the children.

The Wife

It is also very important for you to stay close to God. Keep in a right attitude in your role through God’s perfect laws of marriage, ensuring you do not let down on personal prayer, and study. The home has many distractions—cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, children. It is critical to put God first. A wife must also develop character.

Be submissive in spirit and responsive to your husband. True submission reveals your respect and obedience to God. Never think your husband is too hard when he is following Christ.

It can be too easy to justify lack of cooperation. Everyone has faults.

Strive to encourage and inspire your husband. We all need compliments from time to time.

Resist “keeping up with the Joneses.” This can be a serious problem that can so easily have major effects on the family’s financial position.

When times are difficult, and they often are, let your husband know you are supporting his every effort. Never harp or nag. That is a recipe for disaster.

Strive to keep up your personal appearance. Your appearance is a direct reflection on your husband as well as yourself. Dress modestly as a woman of God, not of this world.

Strive to keep the home clean and pleasing, not cluttered and disorganized. Remember, God places the home under your jurisdiction and management for the welfare of the family (see Proverbs 31:27).

Two concluding points for both roles. A lock-and-key marriage takes a lot of work before and after you exchange vows.

1) Seek to improve yourself always.

2) Always put the interests of the other person first—this is God’s way of life in action.

Seek always to be a lock and key in everything.

Think deeply and lovingly on these things.

From the Archives: “Tree-of-Life Marriage (Part 5)” The Philadelphia News, April 2007